So, anyway, as I was saying about how I got lemon-lime when I ordered Pepsi

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So, dear reader, travel backwards in time with me to a few posts ago when I mentioned I’d be picking up this thread again sometime about the sodas:

I was in the Palazzo Reale campus in Torino, walking through the Galleria Sabauda, and honest to god after having my mind absolutely blown by the magnificence (and that’s a word I don’t overuse; I hate hyperbole) of the palazzo itself, I was unprepared for the magnificence again of the art holdings of the Galleria Sabauda. I mean it absolutely blew my sox off when I wandered in front of a painting by Bronzino, a bas-relief by Desiderio di Settignano, and more.

The best way to view a museum, in my opinion, is without knowing what to expect.  You go to the Met in New York, you expect to be wowed.  And you are.  The Met is magnificent.

But what I like even more than that is the opportunity to have my sox blown off.  And that’s what happened in the Galleria Sabauda.  And, there’s more.

Also attached to the Palazzo Reale campus is the Archeological Museum.  I just spent 5 minutes spelling archeological correctly.  Where, I would like to know, is spell check when you actually want/need it.  No where to be found is where.  Exactly.

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For some reason I will never understand, the Galleria Sabauda is overly air-conditioned (which, believe me, is a compliment in this tropical heat wave we’ve been in since July 2, but who’s counting?) and the attached archaeology museum is not.  Benvenuto italia.  Nothing makes sense here.  Which is one of the reasons I love it.  I fell down the rabbit hole a long time ago.

And when I walked into the heat of the archeology part, the heat hit me like a wave.  And I realized I hadn’t had anything to drink in too long.  And I wandered down a long hallway that led to the light, kinda like near death experiences are always described.  And I wound up underground in a hot cement underground staff lounge, with

wait for it

vending machines! and I put a Euro in the slot not knowing how much a Pepsi was because of course there was no signage about the price…

and I pressed the button for Pepsi

and listened for the magical sound of my item dropping from the machine into the fabulous slot below

and heard the sound

and reached in for my Pepsi

and pulled out a lemon lime soda.  And drank it faster than you can type Pepsi. And then sat down at a table while smiling at a group of Italian tourists who wandered into this rabbit hole after me and also spied the vending machines, or possibly just the crazy americana, and started digging for their change.  It was a couple with their two young sons.  And the minute those boys heard the pop of my can, or the site of the vending machines, or something like that…they were all over their parents for change.

and I inexplicably found myself explaining to them that I got lemon lime when I hit Pepsi and they put in the money and hit lemon lime and got one, and then we all smiled and shrugged our shoulders about the deep mysteries of life

and then I noticed that way back in the back of the fabulous, magnificent vending machine slot was an unloved, undetected can of something.  And naturally I stuck my hand in and pulled out the can and it was my Pepsi afterall.  So I got a free lemon lime soda.

And I popped the lid on that Pepsi faster than those boys could say “mamma mia” and like the crazy americana that I have become (or maybe always was), I downed that Pepsi.

I like to think that on my good days–back when I spoke English fluently and so forth–I would have given the free Pepsi to the boys.  And that they wouldn’t have fought over it.

but what with my dehydration and such like, I just went ahead and drank the liquid moonlight in a can.  Normally I would say sunshine in a can, but honestly, I’ve had enough with the sun and heat for a while

And the most amazing thing to me is, that no matter how many liquids I consume this summer, I never have to use the bathroom.  Because my body has already sweated out the amount of liquids that I will consume until October 17, 2015.

And as far as I can tell I am still alive, or maybe I found the light and am already in heaven and just haven’t woken up yet.

And that is the end of the lemon-lime/Pepsi story and I’m happy it’s finally told. I hope it was worth the wait.

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This is the correct proportion of the drinks I received from the magnificent vending machine in the Archaeological Museum in the Palazzo Reale campus in Torino (say that five times fast).  But whether mine was a Shasta and whether, like this picture, the words said “lime-lemon soda” or as I automatically assume “lemon-lime soda” I can never say, because that was several days ago and I’ve moved on, people. :-))

Re: you Torino, Italia penal

I honestly sent a friend an email with the above subject line today!

I meant to write, and I actually think that I did write: “from your Torino pen pal.”  I hate spell check.  I actually like what I spell 90% of the time, so I’d appreciate it if spell check would get the the hell out of my life.  But, like a lot of things.  I have no control over that.

So my subject line came out as “Re: you Torino, Italia penal” which is pretty damn funny if you ask me.

I think it is somehow Freudian.  Not exactly sure how.  It is just sort of vaguely provocative when it was totally innocent to begin with.

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I only wish I could have taken a picture today of the Italian man who tried to pick me up in a piazza today. I was drinking a MacDonald’s giant coke with ice and resting on a hot bench (hot to the touch, but I was desperate to sit down). He had on a neon green polyester sports shirt and matching shoes, and some kind of shorts and that’s all I saw before I saw how he was leering at me. I tried to be cool but had to leave. But I see a lot of beautiful Italian men in my age bracket so I am starting to zero in.

I left my keys in my apartment today, but it’s only 90 degrees 24 hours a day so I’m doing well. :-))

Sabauda, parte due. Savoy, part 2. Or, how I got a lemon-lime soda when I ordered a Pepsi.

You came back for more?  Andiamo!

When I had wandered around the Palazzo Reale for maybe an hour, going in and out, hither and yon, and following the red carpets and staying behind the stanchions and cords meant to dissuade visitors from entering certain rooms, I successfully re-engaged my jaw so that I could close my mouth (after being jaw-droppingly impressed from my post yesterday, remember?), I re-encountered the guarda who had let me enter without a ticket.  I know she could tell I was a happy camper.  I could not help but remark to her, in my best italiano, that the palace was amazing.  Si, si, she smiled in reply, it is a very impressive place.  I told her I worked in art museums in the US and she conspiratorially asked me if I wanted to see the palace’s formal dining room.  Vero! I exclaimed!  May I?

I followed the lovely guard as she moved stanchions and signage and led me to this dining room.

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My jaw hit the floor again.  “Here,” she said, “is where the king and queen dined and entertained their special guests.”  I nodded in agreement and amazement.  She invited me to take pictures.

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Again, I wish I’d had a real camera with me, but the iphone does a pretty good job in a pinch.

After thanking the kind guarda, I encountered another piece of good fortune, for the custodian was just then unlocking the armory for visitors at precisely 14:00.  2 p.m.  I am not usually very interested in the art of war-making, but perche no?  Quando en roma, eh?  So I followed the other 5 tourists who were more or less in sync with me (but they didn’t get to see the dining room) by this time, and pretty soon I was snapping iphone photos of, of all things, suits of armor.  Because honest to god I have seen a lot of things in my life, way more than the average bear, and yet I had never before seen an intact suit of armor for a child.  But I did yesterday!

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Unfortunately, these 2 pix don’t capture the scale of the child next to the horse and rider.  SInce I have my trusty Piedmont pass, I plan to go back and get better pictures of the child-sized armor suit because it is really quite something to see.

One of my goals in life seems to be to capture photos of some of the bizarre things I encounter as I make my way through this lifetime.  These next pictures belong in that category.  See the small sign between the knight’s feet?  Here we have a complete suit of polished armor mounted high on a wall in an armory (again, scale is not shown well here), with a little sign between his feet telling you you can stop at this point for an audio explanation of the suit.  That just slays me.  The internet and computer age inserted into a Renaissance palazzo’s armory.

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Okay, that’s enough for today, so come back next time if you want to hear the Pepsi story.  It’s funny.

I broke my bed today.

I wish I were kidding. And I wish it were for reasons other than I had to move it to find something that went flying under the bed when I dropped it. And I wish that something was more exciting to report than it actually is.

When I moved the bed, one of the legs fell off the frame.  And despite my (completely absent) mechanical ability and engineering genius, I can’t fix the leg even though I can see what went wrong.  I can’t lift the frame for starters. And so that leaves me with 3 legs holding the springs and mattress up and one corner failing.  My mattress now moves like a teeter totter.  So, I’m sleeping on the couch from now until later.

It is definitely at times like this that you need your partner. ;-))

You say Savoy, I say Sabauda

Excuse me? Or, ah, mi scusi?

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Just when I start to think I am getting a handle on history, I visit Turin. And then, poof, I’m totally confused again!

And, I consider myself a pretty smart, fairly well-educated cookie. I mean, for crying out loud, I teach art history at the college level. But I am no match for Italy!

Today, despite the 93 degree Fahrenheit temperature, I was determined to visit the Palazzo Reale. And. I did it! And, I am surprised you didn’t hear my head explode from wherever you are, because it actually did explode. I kept having the feeling that I was in a very sophisticated version of some unspecified Mexican capitol, or in the heart of mythic Spain, or somewhere other than Italy. But, I was in Torino.  I am a much wiser person this evening than I was when I woke up this morning. Let me share some this newfound knowledge and how I literally stumbled upon it.

So, as I was saying, I planned to visit the Palazzo Reale di Torino today.  I got to the courtyard of the complex about noonish. I like to stay in my beautiful apartment on Corso Vittorio Emanuele II for the morning hours because it is so comfortable, temperature wise.  It is a lovely apartment and very nicely furnished. It is always comfortable, speaking of true physical comfort.  Except for the temperature part because, if you hadn’t heard, we’re havin’ a heat wave, a tropical (?) heatwave.  I always thought I knew what hot meant, but now I honestly do.  It is about like what you would think the surface of Mercury is, if you mistakenly assumed, like me, that Mercury is the hottest planet in the solar system.  It turns out that Venus is hotter than Mercury, and if you stop to think about it, it makes sense.  Venus, symbol of love, passion, and female principles, etc. But, I digress.

So, enjoying the serenity and cool comfort of my apartment in the a.m., I headed out en piede for il palazzo about noonish.  I got to the courtyard and I gotta say, I was thinking, what’s the big whoop.  It was nice enough, but I’ve seen a lot nicer in a lot of other places.

After almost fainting from the heat on the walk there, I found a shady place to sit for a while before exploring any of the surrounding buildings.  I was in no rush because they honestly didn’t look that imposing.  I wasn’t even absolutely sure I was in the right place.  After playing around with my pictures on my iphone, I decided to get on with my day.

Eventually I meandered into a shady arcade, chosen particularly because it was in the shade as opposed to its sunny counterpart. I was almost immediatley met by a major stone stairway and, even in my heat induced madness, I knew I was somewhere. Big time.

A word to the wise here: as is well-known among visitors to Italy, there aren’t always signs announcing that you are in the vicinity of the place you are looking for, be it the Turin Cathedral or anything else.  I have literally seen more signs for MacDonald’s here than anything else and that is a sad statement about the current state of worldwide affairs, no?  At least there are no Starbucks here, yet.

So, there was no signage announcing to me that I had arrived at the Palazzo Reale and no signs saying “get your ticket here.”  Later, after I didn’t need them, I noticed nuanced signage, but when you are a really hot, almost fainting, tourist, you need things to be a little more attention grabbing than nuanced.  Moral of my story, I missed the ticket office.  But what I lack in nuance, I make up for in spirit and pluck.

There were no custodians minding the stairway and, since yesterday I purchased a year long pass to all the musei in Piedmont, I felt entitled to climb the stairway.  I figured it led to someplace I’d want to see.

I got to the first landing and had to hang on to the bannister so I could admire the frescoed ceiling and the walls all around. There was some major gold-leaf and first-rate painting going on here.  And, that was just the beginning.

The top landing was drop-dead gorgeous. I started following the red carpet that led from antechamber to antechamber to antechamber. My jaw was on the floor.  I could not help but think that this building made the Palazzo Medici in Florence look like an outbuilding. I’m a fairly jaded tourist and I was definitely suffering from heat exhaustion.  But the Palazzo Reale revived me.  It is good to know I can still count on my aesthetic sensibilities even when I am more or less delirious from heat and fatigue.

I was about to wander into the next room when I encountered my first custodian, who politely asked me for my ticket.  I tried to explain about the pass that I bought yesterday, but my Italian is rarely reliable.  I imagine I sound a lot like a drunk toddler to whomever I am speaking at any given moment.

The lovely Italian woman surmised, no doubt from my accent, that on a good day I speak English.  You may think I am kidding, but the other day a salesclerk in a grocery store was trying to find a common language with me and she asked me in perfect English, after trying Italian, French and Spanish, did I speak English.  And we were rushing because it was hot, we were sweaty, and there was a line of customers behind me waiting for this transaction to move along. So, she nicely asked if I spoke English and I honestly answered “a little.”  But, in case you ever wondered, English is my native language.  On a really good day.

Back to the Palazzo Reale, by the time this intriguing tete a tete about tickets and passes had transpired, I had whipped out my laminated Piedmont year long pass to show the nice lady. She looked at it knowingly and then told me in English that it was fine, she would let me enter the ongoing palazzo (she probably realized that I would faint or worse right there in front of her if she sent me back down the major stone staircase to go to the ticket office for a piece of paper), but that when I left il Palazzo I should go to the ticket office and get a ticket with my year long pass so their metrics wouldn’t be messed up. I fastened onto the words “it’s va bene this time,” she nicely said, then she added, “but in the future you want to get a ticket before you enter a museum.” Which is truly hilarious in all languages because I have spent my lifetime working in art museums. But at that particular moment, I have absolutely no doubt that had she sent me down those massive stairs, I was going to go back al mia casa, and skip any and all Torino palazzi, I don’t care how much gold leaf there might be.

God bless good-natured museum custodians.  Fortunately, I can read more Italian than I can speak when I am suffering from heat stoke and I was in the royal bedchamber (which wasn’t that far from one of the antechambers, just sayin’) and even though it is currently missing its royal bed, I knew I was in the presence of somebody royaler than any royal alive today.  It made me think of Marie Antoinette’s bedroom at Versailles, which in comparison is a bunkhouse.  Again, I’m just sayin’.

So, ticketless, I followed on the path of the red carpet and what I witnessed made me a believer in the House of Savoy, even if I didn’t know a damn thing about it.  I knew I could find out.

And then in the midst of my aesthetically pleasing stupor, I remembered what Roberta had said.  Roberta is the gorgeous Italian woman who owns and operates the Italian language school at which I (I hope she doesn’t cringe when she hears that I blame, er, credit her for my Italian language ability) studied Italian in Seattle last winter.  I know, that’s a lot to follow but stay with me, please. The language Roberta and Lia provide at the Seattle school is fantastic, but I struggle, through no fault of their’s, to retain my second language.

But, back to the story: Roberta is from Torino originally and she told me that I owed it to myself to experience Torino, for it is beautiful, she says, and relatively unknown among the world-traveling set.  At least among Americans.  Most Americans know Rome, Florence and Venice like most Europeans who visit the United States know New York City and California.

It was because of that very conversazione I had with Roberta a few months back that I find myself in Torino now. It’s kind of a long story which I will spare you. But in the middle of il Palazzo Reale I completely understood what Roberta meant.  Grazie mille, Roberta e Lia.  You were most definitely right! Torino rocks. And there are almost no tourists here.

Like il palazzo itself, this post has grown rather unwieldy in any measurement, so I’ll post part due later.  I bet you are on pins and needles. Let’s just say that even the armory of the palace was amazing.  And that’s a sentence I never would have believed I would ever write.  Wait until I tell you about the Galleria Sabaude e il museo archeologica.  A new language may have to be invented to accurately describe the total experience.

In conclusion, let us consult Wikipedia on sabaude, mi scusi, Savoy.

“The County and Duchy of Savoy incorporated Turin and other territories in Piedmont, a region in northwestern Italy that borders Savoy, which were also possessions of the House of Savoy. The capital of the Duchy remained at the traditional Savoyard capital of Chambéry until 1563, when it was moved to Turin.”

Ah, no wonder Turin has a royal palace.  Stay tuned.

And, per favore, please excuse the unbelievably inadequate snapshots of a palace that I could not possibly do justice to photographically, even if I had come prepared with my good camera, which I didn’t.

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